Funny running story for you today. This morning, I ran 15km cross-country. Which raises two very important questions:
- Does this make me a professional athlete?
- Does this make me better than everyone else?
Sibling Rivalry at 8 am
Today was meant to be leg day at the gym. But last night I thought, maybe I’ll just go for a cross. country run instead – that can count as leg day instead. 🙄
Then this morning, I checked Strava.
My brother Charlie: “20km run.”
Sorry, what?
But it’s only 8am???? 💀
Mr Strava, sir. Are you telling me this man ran 20km before work?
And before breakfast?? 😳
Then he’s going to casually clock in at his job afterwards and WORK ALL DAY?
Meanwhile, I’m on leave and was still faffing about in pyjamas, eating biscuits for breakfast. 🤦🏻♀️
At this point, am I officially the second-best Rex child?
My Running Résumé
Here’s the thing: I love cross-country running, especially running with my mum. Nothing beats a run out in the British countryside. And the muddier the better.
We did a few runs together in 2020/2021. (See photo below – 2020, mid-run – we love it! 👇)
Also in 2020, we ran our own private half-marathon – Mum, my Auntie and me. We set the day, Mum planned a route and we made a day of it.
And friend, when I tell you it RAINED. Oh my goodness. 😵😵
It was December 2020, so already very cold 🥶, and then the wind and SIDEWAYS rain hit us mid-run. (Brits – you’ll know the rain I’m talking about 😂).
Despite the below photo looking like it was taken on a potato 🥔📸, that’s us about 10 miles in. For context on how rainy it was, the grey top I’m wearing is actually light grey; it’s just really wet. 🌧🌧🌧
But basically, it was one of my favourite days ever and there was a medal waiting at home for us, which Mum had made.
SO cute. My Mum is the best.
I disgress – back to my running résumé…
If we’re talking recent running history?
My running “training plan” is generous at best.
It consists of:
- A weekly 5km parkrun… but only for the six months of the year when I’m on leave from work.
- Occasional interval sprints on the treadmill, where I probably run about 1km total.
- A 10km cross-country race in 2023.
- A 10km road race on my 30th birthday (I’m nearly 34).
- And about three weeks ago, I did parkrun and I still had energy after, so I went and ran another 5km afterwards.
That’s it.
That’s the list.
And just so we’re clear: yes, I do run – but these days I’m a solid 5km specialist.
Parkrun is my stage, my arena, my Olympics.
Once every few years, I’ll dust off a 10km just to prove to myself I still can, like a party trick no one asked for.
But would I call myself a proper runner?
These days, not really. It’s more gym girlie, with an occasional side of running.
I also tell myself I’m not really built for running (one of many excuses). Someone at the gym (within the last year) asked me if I play rugby because apparently I “have the physique” for it. 🙄
I’m not sure it was meant as a compliment, but I’m going to take it as one.
Anyway, if I manage to run once a week, we all need to clap.
So yes, technically I’m a runner – but to compare myself to my brother, who casually ran 22 MILES this past Sunday while we were having a family weekend at our parents?
Outrageous. 🫠
Which makes me the ideal candidate to see his 20km on Strava and say: “I can do that.” 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Early Delusion Hour
So off I went: trainers on, earphones in, Christmas songs blasting like it was December, not October.
Ambition high.
Knees already whispering, “don’t do this.”
I was originally aiming for 5km, then at 2km, I thought: I feel great. I reckon I can do 20km. (🙄🙄)
Other mid-run thoughts included:
- Maybe I should enter the London Marathon
- That’s a cute doggo.
- Omg my feet are soaked.
- Do ticks like wet grass? I hope not.
- If someone chases me now, they’ll 100% catch me.
- Pretty sure I’ve taken a wrong turn here.
- This was a horrendous choice of underwear.
The Hill & The Hunt
My favourite route goes up this enormous farmland hill. You basically run through a valley of fields that only go UP. Sometimes the local hunt gallops through with all the hounds, which makes me feel like I’m in a Jane Austen novel.
Mum and me have actually run into the hunt about three times in the same spot – us gasping going UP the hill, them coming down. And they always stop, smile, and say “after you, ladies”. which sounds charming, but in reality, it’s 20 people on horseback politely insisting we run. 🥴
Cue us breaking into our best fake athlete run up the steepest part of the hill, PRAYING they swifty ride off, so that we can resume out run > gasp > walk > run – 🥵😮💨
(Quick PSA: fox hunting is illegal here. The “hunt” is just the hounds following a scent dragged out by a quadbike. Don’t worry – the only creature traumatised was me, being forced to run uphill in front of 20 horses.)
Enter: The Cows 🐮
My mum is very brave, especially with animals/ insects 🤩
(She once rescued a sheep who’d toppled upside down, and last week she saved a bee stuck in a skylight cobweb. After she got the bee down, she even used toothpicks to free its wings while I hid around the corner, giving moral support.)
Me?
Not brave. 🫠
So when a lady with a dog warned me, “Just so you know, there are cows in the next field by the gate.” 🐮
Excellent. 🙄
Literally standing between me and my route.
I’ve heard stories of cows trampling people. I don’t know if that’s real or if it’s like childhood myths (quicksand everywhere, boy who leaned back on his chair and died, Marilyn Manson rib rumours).
But still.
Reader, I was brave.
The cows were RIGHT by the gate. I crept in and around the edge of the field, up the massive hill to avoid them, filming a video to send my parents: “If I’m not back soon, the cows got me. Here’s where to find my body.”
Mum replied, “They’re vegetarian.” 🐮
Thanks, mum.
Dog Drama (And the Legend of Nasty Dog Farm) 🐶
Survived the cows, only to face the dogs.
This route has several farms you have to run past, which basically means playing Russian roulette with dogs.🐶
- First farm: a friendly one ran out, wagging its tail. Cute! Until it started humping me.
- Second farm: a horrible little demon ran out barking, fully ready to bite me.
A couple of minutes later, I saw a lady walking with a horse and warned her about the dog. Her casual “meh” response told me it was probably her house and her dog.
There’s another route that my family loves to walk and cycle. However, it takes you right past a farm that we all now refer to as Nasty Dog Farm.
There’s a dog there so aggressive that we’ve literally stopped going that way altogether. He doesn’t just bark – he runs out and actually bites. 👹👹
Knees on Strike
At 12km, I hit the road section, and at 13km my knees said, “Ma’am, this is not who we are.”
I’ve put them through a lot. (If you’ve read my Rowing Machine Trauma & Family Gaslighting Crimes post, you’ll know cardio and I have history.)
Pain.
London Marathon dream cancelled. 🥴
Back onto the fields at 14km: knees happy again.
Apparently, we are delicate woodland creatures who thrive in mud but hate tarmac.
Noted.
(Trainer recommendation – Hoka running shoes are supreme. Anything by Hoka is like running on clouds. For trail running, I wear the Hoka Challenger 7s and for road running I swear by the Hoka Clifton 9s – and honestly, after trying sooo many other brands over the years, these are hands-down my favourites and I’d never wear anything else running.)
(Token selfie at 12km ☝️ cos did it really happen otherwise.)
Final Stats (And Delusions)
By the end, I’d racked up 15km, which included:
- Surviving a cow stand-off (heroic) 🐮
- Getting humped by one dog, nearly bitten by another (less heroic) 🐶
- Petted a horse mid-route 🐴
- Stopped to take approximately 800 scenic photos 🍃
- Sent my parents a dramatic “goodbye” cow video in case I didn’t make it 🪦
- Spammed my boyfriend with 47 near-identical landscape shots ❤️
- Knees quitting at 13km but graciously rejoining the team at 14 😱
The scenery was beautiful, the air was crisp, my lungs were working overtime, and by the time I got home, I felt both euphoric and like my skeleton had left my body.
Now I’m writing this from bed.
Exhausted.
Need to stretch, but that is absolutely a job for Later Me.
Current Me is horizontal only. ❤️
There is exactly 0% chance I could ever, under any circumstances, do this before work like my brother.
But still – I did it. Which, in my head, makes me both a professional athlete and morally superior to everyone else, for at least an hour.
Nike, if you’re reading this: call me. 💅🏻
Tell me: are you a parkrun princess, marathon maniac, or “only runs if late for a train” type?
If you liked this, you’ll love the time I managed a 10km run before breakfast — complete with Pokémon nostalgia and a bathroom hostage situation.
