Uhhh so apparently my last blog post was six months ago.

SIX MONTHS.

I genuinely had no idea it had been that long. I went away to work for five months, was insanely busy basically the entire time and every time I thought “I really need to write something” there were approximately 400 more pressing things to do.

Quite a lot happened in between though.

I changed jobs, somehow ended up in five different countries, got an excellent tan, then lost it very quickly and generally have about six months of things to catch you up on.

Starting with the fact that I’m back.

Both to the blog and, rather unexpectedly, England.

Because I went home to South Africa after work, lasted approximately one weekend and decided to move countries 😂

I wish there was a more interesting story behind this decision.

I landed on the Friday.

The weather was shit.

I was sitting in my apartment by myself thinking why am I actually here when my family and friends are all in England?

And then I was like… yeah actually, why AM I here?

So I packed.

(This is how I make major life decisions.)

Within a few days I had somehow shoved 95% of everything I own into three enormous suitcases and was on my way to Johannesburg airport.

Five years of living in South Africa.

Three suitcases.

One of which contained an absolutely obscene number of sports bras.

And that was basically that.

So… I live in England again

It is actually quite mad saying that because I lived in South Africa for exactly five years.

And I absolutely LOVE South Africa – the lifestyle, the weather, the food, the beaches…

I’m just ready to be back in England now.

Preferably without having to physically deal with the remaining contents of my apartment.

I managed to bring basically everything important home with me, including the enormous North Face duffel my parents bought me for Christmas about ten years ago.

I have never filled this bag.

Ever.

Turns out the answer is five years’ worth of winter jackets, shoes and a genuinely concerning number of Gymshark clothes.

(For context on its size – the black suitcase behind it is also mine, and that is a BIG suitcase.)

I was watching the baggage carousel at Heathrow thinking if that thing doesn’t appear I’m simply going to have to start a new life with the clothes I’m wearing.

Thankfully it did.

Everything I left behind in South Africa is now being dealt with by someone else because I have absolutely no desire to spend the next few months selling household items on Facebook Marketplace.

I would genuinely rather give a toaster away than have a conversation with someone trying to knock 50p off the price of it.

The few things I actually want are being sent back to England.

Apart from one very fancy bottle of wine which I’m too scared to put into shipping in case it gets smashed, so if anyone happens to be flying from South Africa to England and fancies personally escorting a bottle of wine, LMK 😂

And then that’s it.

Five years in South Africa, wrapped up.

Which does feel a bit weird.

Anyway, absolutely not getting sentimental about that because I have more important news.

I BOUGHT A HOUSE!!!

Oh yeah. I bought a house lol

I actually bought it while I was away working, which is probably why I haven’t properly processed the fact that I now own a cottage in England.

But I do!!!!

And obviously the renovation brief is

Barbie’s Dreamhouse.

Pastel pink kitchen cupboards, gold handles, white worktops.

I saw a picture, said “YES. THAT.” and that was basically the kitchen decided 😂

Which, I have discovered, is exactly how I like renovating.

Show me something I love, I’ll make a decision in approximately three seconds, and we can all move on with our lives.

I’m not properly moving in until I’m home from work again at the end of November, so I’ll do a full house post once I’m actually in properly.

But oh my gosh, I cannot WAIT.

(In the meantime, I already have a whole post on things I love in my home in my 30s.)

Unfortunately, everyone was right about protein

This is very annoying for me because I hate when the obvious answer turns out to be the answer.

For the first time in my entire yachting career, I’ve actually managed to train consistently both onboard AND at home since January.

My new boat has a HUGE crew gym, which obviously makes me very happy, and I’ve been training five or six days a week pretty much the entire time.

Also, completely unrelated but I need everyone to know that I have a DOUBLE BED in my cabin.

A DOUBLE BED!!!!!

If you’ve never worked on yachts, this will mean absolutely nothing to you.

If you have worked on yachts, you will understand.

Honestly, I could write an entire paragraph about how much I love my cabin.

Anyway.

The boat also has amazing chefs, so between having a great gym, loads of healthy food available all the time and me finally sorting my diet out, I have made more progress in the last eight months than I have in YEARS.

Turns out you cannot spend years saying “why won’t my quads grow?” while eating a diet containing a genuinely concerning amount of chocolate and expect miracles.

Who knew.

Because now I’m eating loads of protein and veggies, training consistently and OH MY GOSH.

I HAVE MUSCLES.

Actual visible muscles!!!

And I’m hitting PBs in the gym!

So while everyone is off getting married and having babies, I’m home with Mum and Dad for three weeks (which has been divine btw) like “LOOK AT MY BICEPS” or “I split squatted two 30kg dumbbells yesterday like THIS!”

Basically the 34-year-old version of “MUM WATCH THIS” 😂

So anyway – everyone banging on about protein was correct.

Very annoying.

And then somewhere in the middle of all this I also became a runner.

Anyway.

The boat also has amazing chefs, so between having a great gym, loads of healthy food available all the time and me finally sorting my diet out, I have made more progress in the last eight months than I have in YEARS.

Turns out you cannot spend years saying “why won’t my quads grow?” while eating a diet containing a genuinely concerning amount of chocolate and expect miracles.

Who knew.

Because now I’m eating loads of protein and veggies, training consistently and OH MY GOD.

I HAVE MUSCLES.

Actual visible muscles!!!

And I’m all hitting PBs in the gym!

So while everyone is off getting married and having babies, I’m home with Mum and Dad for 3 weeks (which has been divine btw) – like “LOOK AT MY BICEPS” and “I split squatted two 30kg dumbbells yesterday like THIS!”

Basically the 34-year-old version of “MUM WATCH THIS” 😂

So anyway – everyone banging on about protein was correct.

Very annoying.

And then somewhere in the middle of all this I also became a runner.

When did a half marathon become normal?

This one has really snuck up on me.

I am absolutely not a fast runner.

But apparently I can just… run quite far now?

Historically, my relationship with running was basically going for a 5km once every couple of weeks.

I liked running, but anything over 10km felt like a proper EVENT.

(See post from last year – Professional Athlete Era: I Ran 15km and Now I’m Better Than Everyone lol).

And now I can go out and run a half marathon without really thinking much of it.

Which is MAD.

I’ve been home for three weeks and in that time I’ve run a half marathon, come third woman in a 5km trail race, got a new 5km PB, done two full Hyrox simulations AND somehow run 32km.

THIRTY TWO KILOMETRES.

I genuinely never in my wildest dreams thought I would be able to run that far.

Then one random Tuesday morning I just… did?

Excuse me???

I’ve also entered Hyrox London in December, so at the moment I’m lifting heavy things, running further than I ever have in my life, getting faster at 5km and training for Hyrox at the same time.

Which I think technically means I’m a hybrid athlete now 😂

There is SO much more I want to talk about with all of this, but I’m stopping because otherwise this life update is going to become 4,000 words about running.

It needs its own post.

Particularly the 32km situation because honestly, I also have questions.

This week’s hobby: bedazzling

And while we’re talking about running, I have apparently taken up arts and crafts.

I saw a girl on Instagram with bedazzled running trainers.

That was it.

That was all the encouragement I needed.

Approximately three minutes later I had ordered a bedazzling kit and beads.

I have now bedazzled three pairs of my running trainers and my earphones case.

I am OBSESSED with them.

This is exactly why Instagram is dangerous for me. I see one cute thing and suddenly I own specialist equipment.

Anyway, my Hokas are now sparkly and significantly more exciting to look at.

And yes, I wore my newly bedazzled trainers to parkrun and immediately took 1 minute 21 seconds off my 5km PB.

I’m not saying it was the rhinestones.

But I’m also not saying it wasn’t.

Anyway, hello again

So that’s basically the last six months.

Moving countries. Buying a house. Apparently becoming someone who runs long distances. Glueing rhinestones to my trainers.

Normal stuff.

I’ve had a month off, somehow managed to fit all of the above into it, and I’m heading back to work again in a few days.

But I have loads I want to write about.

Starting with whatever the hell has happened to me fitness-wise because that clearly needs further discussion.

See you in the next one x